This is one area that can never be exhausted. In fact, the question many of those seeking a marriage partner ask never changes: ”What should I look for in a potential spouse?” There are many things to look for. Here are a few. I will give you more next week.
Religion and faith: Religion and issues to do with faith can bring a couple together or draw them apart because of the manner in which the values, beliefs and practices are expressed. Many people don’t know what to do when they realise after marriage that their spouse does not have the same level of spiritual maturity or interest as theirs. The answer doesn’t lie in lecturing or manipulating your mate but in working towards harmonising your faiths. From what I’ve seen, marriages that have stood the test of time have been between couples that are passionate about their religious beliefs or lack of them, and whether there is a difference that drives them to common ground.
Cares about your affairs: We were created for relationships. No one wants to be alone for the rest of their life. A partner who truly cares about you enhances your self-esteem. Affirmation and appreciation not only show that that they care about you, but also make you both feel involved in the relationship. Your values require compliments from your partner. Great relationships are made by a man and woman who are concerned about, and care for, each other.
Areas of common understanding: What builds common ground? A thriving relationship is made of two people who minimise their differences and increase their areas of common understanding. We were not made to think alike or copy each other. However, we can embrace our differences as unique areas that contribute what the relationship would never have had if that difference had not been embraced. And I do not mean negative traits that can hurt a marriage. Having a passion for the same things encourages friendship and spending time together. These activities draw a couple closer together.
Clear boundaries: Having clear boundaries on expectations regarding behaviour and associations adds trust and faithfulness to the relationship. Embracing clear values helps build honest behaviour that adds value to the relationship and deepens intimacy. In any relationship, the question should be, “What should I never compromise on?” Clear boundaries ensure that freedom is expressed responsibly. This helps us to know the consequences of overstepping the boundary, such as flirting, having an affair, keeping deep, secrets, etc.
Character: A marriage partner is trustworthy when they stick to the agreements made. The integrity of a marriage is possible when each spouse upholds integrity. When the actions of the person you are dating do not match their words, you are in trouble. Can you trust them when you share something personal? What happens when a well-meaning person falls in love with a partner of the opposite character? Some people think they can stop such a person’s destructive after marriage. It is not possible. You can avoid falling into this trap by letting your values guide you.
Career path: Is it really possible to have a happy, flourishing, mutually satisfying marriage and enjoy a rewarding, successful and dynamic career at the same time? As much as many marriages break because of career-related issues, every couple must decide what career paths will help them build a healthy marriage and parent their children effectively. A potential spouse should be one with some sort of career goals and a plan in mind. Before you say yes, think about such a plan and how it will support your vision of your marriage. Financial problems can cause trouble for otherwise happy couples. You should learn to navigate your career and the resultant money issues early in the relationship.
Style of communication: A spouse who does not respect your point of view during courtship will most likely not respect it when you are married. It is very important to understand this. A couple must w learn to honestly express their feelings as they also develop great listening habits. No marriage can survive if the couple cannot discuss issues without being selfish.
