“I don’t want to be married just to be married. I can’t think of anything lonelier   than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with” –Mary Ann Shaffer.

The rate at which many marriages fail these days would make me wonder if marital vows have been changed from “till death do us part” to “till crisis do us part”.

It is a well known fact that marriage is not a bed of roses and there is no marriage without challenges. Well these challenges can either strengthen the couple’s bond or push them apart.

Love may conquer all but sometimes even love is not enough to save a marriage when there are significant problems like financial crisis, lack of communication, selfishness and lack of respect.

Financial Problem

This is one major factor that often leads to the destruction of many marriages. There is a saying that ‘if you fail to plan, you plan to fail’, this is the case with so many couples who do not plan their finances.

Financial concern can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be so much pressure on their relationship. It is important that couples know their priorities and spend wisely, for instance pay your rent before buying a car, if your landlord sends you packing out of the house, the car will not serve as your home.

Couples should be able to manage their finances without running into financial crisis and also cultivate the habit of saving.

In general, materialism should be shunned. One funny mistake made in our society today that usually affects newly wedded couples is the planning for too elaborate wedding ceremonies that will drain their bank accounts all in the name of impressing people, some even go to the extent of securing loans, forgetting that they still have a life to live after the ceremony, and that is the most important factor to consider in marriage and not a flamboyant wedding ceremony.

Selfishness

Marriage is not ‘me’ and’ myself’ in an institution. It is more of ‘we’ and ‘us’. In every step you take, you have to consider your partner, not just your partner, and your children also. You have to learn to make sacrifices and avoid doing things detrimental to your partner.

Selfishness is a vice that could drive a wedge between husband and wife. A marriage to a selfish partner is not bound to stand the test of time. A selfish person loves him or herself so much that putting others first becomes impossible, and what happens usually is that the selfish partner dominates the relationship with their needs, wants and burdens their partners with loads of expectations.

Selfishness involves control, manipulation, jealousy, possessiveness, demands and abuse in order to get ones way.

Irreconcilable differences/lack of communication

Marriage is a union between two different people. However, it is expected that couples will have their misunderstandings. As husband and wife, they should be able to work out their differences, and the only way to achieve this is through communication, talk to each other instead of about each other. Couples should create time to discuss and bond, they should find out what their partner likes and what he or she does not like and pour out their mind to each other politely.

By doing so, couples will be on the same page and there will be an enduring peace. To have a successful marriage, communication is inevitable, without proper communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue.

Bad friends and influence

The truth is that, not only children or teenagers face per pressure. ‘Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are’. Some adults move with friends who are not good for them, they keep bad friends and the most painful thing is that they don’t know that their friends are bad people who give them terrible advises that can destroy their marriage.

There are adults who cannot make decisions on their own. They believe they have to consult their friends. Honestly, these types of friends don’t wish you well, run away from them. They are green snakes under green grass who do not want you to have a secured and happy home.

Respect

Respect, they say is reciprocal. Respect should form the basis of every marriage. Respecting your partner goes a long way. It shows that you appreciate and love your partner. Avoid taking your partner for granted; rather ensure that you treat your spouse in a thoughtful and courteous way.

Also understand and respect your partner’s personal boundaries. Couples also need to understand that they have to respect their partner not because of age, but because they deserve respect at all times. Respecting your partner’s opinions is also very important for peaceful co-existence.

Lack of affection

When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is most likely the marriage will not work out or stand the test of time.

For instance, getting married because of an unwanted pregnancy or because the couple is feeling pressure to get married by family members, neither of these reasons is truly a valid reason for marriage.

When the decision to get married is based on these reasons itemized above rather than true love, it is most likely that the marriage is doomed to fail. Married couples should show each other affection, without affectionate gestures, the word love seems hollow and not real to be taken serious. Once a couple start to fall out of love, their marriage is bound to hit the rock.

Odofin, a student of Elizade University, Ilara-Mokin, Ondo State, is on internship with The Hope