By Sunmola Olowookere
|
Ebunoluwa, (not real name) 23-year old is established as “Mamalawo” (Female herbalist) and the only powerful female voice in her husband’s house after 10 years of marriage.
Her husband is a popular herbalist (names withheld) who lives in the Ijoka axis of the Akure metropolis, Ondo State, Nigeria.
At 23, she had already given birth to three children, with the eldest being 10 years old. The 10-year-old boy was in primary 2 and had problems understanding what he was taught in the classroom. He had already spent two years in the same class and there was still no hope of him improving.
Ebunoluwa is in charge of checking in the visitors and interviewing them before they are taken in to meet Baba for divination. Despite her young age, she has a stunning confidence and a lofty look that had probably been honed over the years from attending to the needy people in trouble who would come to her husband seeking deliverance and help.
Speaking with The Hope, she narrated her traumatic beginning and how she had always been a sickly child who gave her parents a hell of a time while growing up. She described her fainting spells as one which gave her mother sleepless nights.
At the end of their tether, her parents sought the help of Baba. Then she was almost 13 years old. After spending three months at Baba’s traditional clinic, she became healthy and robust. Her parents were ecstatic and wondered at the radical change.
Their euphoria, however, evaporated when Baba told them that if they wanted to maintain their daughter’s well-being, she must be married off to a powerful herbalist.
“My parents, although sad, gave me to him saying it was a better option than losing me to death. Baba has been very caring since then and I had my firstborn, Ayokunle, a year after. My parents are very grateful to Baba for taking care of me,” she gushed.
She revealed that she was still in primary school when she was brought to live with Baba following her recovery from her strange illness.
From the above scenario and other indications, a disturbing trend has emerged which showed that child marriage may not be limited to the Northern part of Nigeria only.
This indication implies that while the girls in the Western part of Nigeria may not be forced into marriage, some are cajoled and persuaded into early marriages just like Ebunoluwa.
On the other hand, many girls run off or are sent off unceremoniously to live with their lovers.
The menace of child marriage is as old as time and many countries of the world were only able to shed the menace as their societies evolved and developed.
In the old African setting, research revealed that child marriage is often deployed by families and communities to be the best way of protecting the girl child from rape, sexual violence, unwanted pregnancies outside marriage, family shame, disaster, homelessness, and hunger or starvation.
Among other reasons, parents attribute the early marriage of their daughters to the above reasons. In some localities, poverty, weak legislative frameworks and enforcement, harmful traditional practices, gender discrimination, and lack of alternative opportunities for girls (especially education) are all major drivers of child marriage.
The people in the western part of the country watch the northern part with disdain when they force their teenage daughters into marriage according to Islamic rites.
However, it never really struck us that the teenagers that they allowed to be swept into early marriage through unwanted pregnancies would likely suffer the same fate as the Northern child brides.
Ebunoluwa in the first scenario may have been able to weather the marriage. Probably luck shown upon her.
However, her co-wife whom Baba married before her did not have it so well.
According to impeccable sources in the neighbourhood, Baba treated her for mental illness and used the same gimmick which he used on Ebunoluwa’s parents to marry her too. However, she was older when she came to live in Baba’s house as his wife. Then she was 17 years old.
Our source disclosed that Baba has a penchant for marrying young girls whom he also made to work for him in his traditional clinic. The first wife was in charge of pounding dried herbs that would be used for the sick. She also cooks the herbs and sometimes supervises the administration of the herbs to the mentally sick.
When the first wife was married to Baba, it took two years before she could conceive. After the first issue, she could no longer conceive again. However, Ebunoluwa had no problem conceiving when she was taken in as a wife. By the time she had three kids, Baba had begun to neglect his first wife.
“Due to this, the woman became uneasy and jealous. Baba did not help her to find a solution to her problem and she had to seek a solution from some fertility herbalists that were introduced to her by concerned neighbours. She began to take different concoctions given to her by these herbalists which caused her to bleed. One morning, she was found dead in her room. It was then that Baba realized the trauma she went through which led to her untimely death,” our source claimed.
Traditional thought of using child marriage to check promiscuity in girls persist.
In the African traditional setting, parents believe in getting their daughters married early as they believe that it would help to checkmate promiscuity and waywardness in teenage and unmarried ladies that could result in unwanted pregnancies. This is the dread of every parent as such incidents bring shame and disrepute upon families. Also, virginity was a treasure, and many families wanted their daughters married before they drew the attention of men who would only take advantage of them and dump them.
Also sharing this sentiment was Madam Oguntomi while sharing her experience with The Hope. She expressed that early marriage is the best gift that a parent can give to the daughter in a world where girls are being exploited and many have become wayward. She maintained that it was better to give out a daughter in marriage early to avoid the girl becoming exposed to promiscuity.
Her words: “I gave out my daughter in marriage when she was 18 years old. She had just concluded her Ordinary National Diploma and I was planning to send her for Higher National Diploma. One of my neighbours whom I am very cordial with came to ask for her hand in marriage for her son who was working in the United States.
Unknown to me, the woman had been observing me and my daughter in the neighbourhood and had noticed that she was well-behaved. “I know the boy very well. He is very respectful, polite, and always smiling. I know he will take care of my daughter if he marries her. So I gave in to the union. Although my daughter was reluctant at first, she felt the boy was too old for her as he was 32 years old. She later came around as she was persuaded to see reasons with me. When she met the boy and began to receive gifts from him, she thanked me for choosing for her.”
When she was asked if she did not feel that her daughter was too young to know any better, she retorted that she prefers marrying young girls off to good suitors before they would be impregnated by some ne’er-do-wells.
Indications showed that Madam Oguntomi may not be too far off the mark as shown in the case of a private school worker, Mrs Ayomide Solomon. In defiance, she still bears her father’s name but decides to add “Mrs” to her name to give herself a cloak of respectability since the father of her child refuses to do the right thing by her. She told The Hope that she earns a measly N10,000 monthly salary for her position as an assistant teacher because she only had a secondary school certificate when she was put in the family way by her lover.
She was put in the family way by the Choir Master in the white garment church that her family attended.
Unfortunately for her, there had been a prophecy in their church that she must not be allowed to abort any pregnancy and should marry the man who impregnated her for her to have a long life.
Therefore, when she got pregnant, she was tossed like an unwanted utensil at her lover. She narrated that since then, it was as if her destiny had been altered and she was living from hand to mouth. Her lover left her in Akure and sought greener pastures in Lagos. He only sent pittance as upkeep, and she claimed that she had to augment it with her salary. Now, she wished that she could turn back the hands of time and would be able to choose wisely.
Cases of parents that are changing the narratives about child marriage.
It has been observed that some parents have decided that they would no longer throw the baby away with the bath water if perchance their daughters are put in the family way. One of such is Mr. Olaniyi who is a bricklayer by profession and often finds it difficult to make ends meet. He has three girls that he was struggling to put through school. He described his sorrow when his first daughter was impregnated by an internet fraudster in the neighbourhood.
He narrated “The boy hoodwinked my daughter who was in SSS 2 then and was attending Alakunre High School, Akure, Ondo state with gifts, goodies, and money. He began to sleep with her and we did not know. Her mother sells fish by the roadside and was not often at home. I will be away at building sites, too. However, her younger sisters knew what was happening, but they kept mute until the family was nearly put to shame.
“When we went to the boy’s house to make trouble because I was very upset and angry, his mother admitted that she had been seeing my daughter with him. She promised to take her in and be taking care of her till she delivered and even offered to come and pay her dowry but I declined saying she was too young to be given out and that I had plans for her future. She gave birth under my roof. I made her write her O’ Levels, and she is now attending the College of Health Technology in the same city”. He narrated while beaming with pride.
In the case of another girl, Esther, her parents, although disappointed too when she was impregnated by her boyfriend during her first year in school, stood firmly by her.
She was made to go back to school after she had her baby. According to her mother who professed to be proud of the boy who impregnated her daughter, it all ended in praise as the young man who had already traveled abroad by then came to ask for her daughter’s hand in marriage after she graduated from the university and had been supportive in taking care of the child all through the time that Esther had gone back to school.
Health hazards that child brides may face.
According to a nurse, Mrs Gbemi Oyelami, child marriage can lead to girls having sex before they are physically and emotionally ready, and when they know little about their own sexual and reproductive health and rights. She explained that it is a key driver of adolescent pregnancy, which carries serious health risks, and can increase the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections and experiencing gender-based violence. “In some contexts, child marriage is also closely linked to female genital mutilation/cutting (FGM/C), which is a human rights violation and is damaging to girls’ physical and mental health”. Oyelami stated.
She believed that reducing child marriage would help to improve the health of millions of girls and women and their children.
