Having a wank is bloody brilliant.
It’s the only form of sex that’s 100% safe from risks of STDs. It’s a vital part of learning what you like. It’s a way to enjoy sexual pleasure without the need for a partner or a random hookup buddy.
It’s safe, great, and healthy, basically.
So why is masturbation so rarely mentioned as part of sex education?
If your experience of sex education was anything like mine, masturbation wasn’t mentioned once.
The focus was likely on the reproductive side of things, teaching you about how eggs are fertilised and babies are made.
But your sex education classes also likely had lessons around STIs. You remember – the classes in which they told you to always, always use a condom and showed you a bunch of scary pictures of genital warts.
It’s strange that in these lessons, we were only presented with two options: use contraception or don’t have sex.
Why wasn’t masturbation offered as an alternative – a way to try out sex without any risks?
A lot of it boils down to the complete exclusion of sexual pleasure from sex ed.
The majority of our sex ed lessons like to pretend that sex is had purely for the purposes of reproduction, skimming over things like the female orgasm (because unlike male orgasm, it’s not essential for conception), the existence of the clitoris, and sexuality.
Ignoring pleasure and, as a result, masturbation (a sexual thing for only the purpose of pleasure) can be damaging.
It encourages the idea that sex isn’t about enjoyment, and that painful, unpleasant sex is perfectly okay. Because feeling sexual isn’t mentioned, there’s no suggestion of only having sex when you’re really into it.
Ignoring masturbation, and our desire to masturbate, allows all kinds of unhealthy stereotypes to be upheld.
Girls are allowed to think that wanting sex is weird, or gross, or makes them a slut. By refusing to mention masturbation, we uphold the idea that it’s something to be silent about, to be ashamed of.
Refusing to talk about it means there’s no opportunity for teachers to break down myths, like masturbating making you blind (it doesn’t), or masturbating being morally wrong (it isn’t).
A lack of masturbation mentions also means there’s no opportunity for educators to make sure people are masturbating safely – with the right tools, with clean hands, and with consideration for your delicate bits.
By the time they reach sex education classes, many young people are already masturbating.
But they likely aren’t talking about it, feel ashamed of doing it, or aren’t sure how to do it.
Those who are already having solo sex sessions could do with reassurance that what they’re doing isn’t shameful or unhealthy.
Those who aren’t need to be taught that masturbation is a near-essential part of having a satisfying, healthy sexual relationship – one in which you’re aware of what you like and can guide your partner to get you off.
Being unaware of what pleasure feels like, and your ability to give yourself pleasure, is dangerous. It allows young people to put up with painful, uncomfortable sex that they believe is to be expected, or to believe their pleasure isn’t necessary.
Young people need to be taught about masturbation because it’s the starting point of learning about sexuality and pleasure.
They need to be taught about masturbation so that they know it’s nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to make fun of, and that it doesn’t define them as ‘weird’ or ‘gross’.
They need to learn about masturbation so that they’re able to start exploring sex without needing to involve someone else – someone who may not have their best interests at heart.
If you want your kids to have safe sex, teach them about masturbation. If that feels awkward, that’s a shame, but it’s reasonable. That’s why we need schools to be mentioning masturbation at the same time as sex.
