Famed for his never ending repertoire of conspiracy theories, former aviation/tourism minister and campaign spokesperson of former President Goodluck Jonathan, Femi Fani-Kayode (insert Olukayode somewhere there), has said Nigeria will never make it out of the woods because it was cobbled on satanic, occultic, nebulous foundation.

Writing on his Facebook wall, Fani-Kayode said Lord Fredrick Lugard, who was the first Governor-General of Nigeria; and his wife, Flora Shaw (later Flora Lugard), who gave Nigeria its name, were known worshipers of Satan.

“This explains a lot. It also explains why Shaw gave us the name Nigeria – a name which has questionable roots. Anyone that doubts this should consider the literal translation of Nigeria into Latin: it means “the area of darkness” and there is a deep spiritual and mystical reason why she gave us that name.

“It comes with a lot of baggage because not much good can come out of an area of darkness.

“It is generally agreed though not commonly admitted that both Lugard and Flora Shaw were Luciferians who practised the black arts and all manner of satanic rituals.

“He (Lugard) was a ‘High Priest of the Freemasons’ whilst they were both avid followers of Aleister Crowley, the leading satanist of his day and the self-styled ‘world’s most wicked man.’”

Fani-Kayode also said the amalgamation of Nigeria by the colonialists was a lie–a faulty exercise that will perpetually leave Nigeria divided and confused.

“This was his (Lugard’s) vision: a northern Nigeria that was essentially the ‘head of the household’ and that would remain in control of all the powers and resources of the state and a southern Nigeria that would play the role of a passive and subservient wife whose destiny it was to remain in perpetual subjugation and bondage.

“The truth is that the British colonialists were masters of divide and rule. The amalgamation of the southern and northern protectorates was a Greek gift which was designed to fail and to crumble at the appropriate time. Nigerians have done well to have held it together for so long and the fact that we have only experienced one civil war is miraculous.”

Fani-Kayode said most of the former British colonies changed their names, save for Sudan and Nigeria. This explains why, he said, Nigeria and Sudan have made zero progress as nation states.

“Most of the former British colonies changed their names after independence for similar reasons but because most of our leaders in Nigeria were not aware of these matters, they refused to do so.

“Lugard and Shaw were an unlikely couple who had no children. What held them together was more spiritual and mystical than anything else and Nigeria and Sudan are their joint legacy to the world.

“Sadly, both countries are having major challenges today. Sudan has broken into two after a protracted and bitter civil war while Nigeria is experiencing serious regional, ethnic and religious tensions. It is clear that our nation needs a good deal of prayers. May God deliver us from Lord Lugard’s magic and his beautiful wife’s spell.”

Amen.