However, one day mid this year I noticed my boyfriend was hiding something from me but I never knew what it was. After he slept later that evening, I started searching the house and, to my surprise, happened upon some medicine.

I took pictures of the tablets and I sent them to him on WhatsApp. It really bothered him and he requested me to meet him so that he could explain. We talked and I felt his pain.

Since I started dating this guy, we’ve never made love without using a condom and I didn’t understand why. Sometimes we would get home drunk and I would tell him that it’s okay, we can just make love, after all we’ve dated for long now and I can buy the emergency contraceptive Postinor II in the morning, but he would hold me and tell me we should just sleep as we have more days, months and years to do stuff.

On the day we talked about his medication, he admitted that he was HIV positive. We then went to the hospital together for me to get tested, and the results were negative. I have been repeating the test every three months, and I am still HIV negative.

I love this guy a lot and I will not end our relationship simply because he is sick. I have never shared this with anyone, but I felt I needed to share it with you. Did I make the right decision?

Regards,

...........................

Disclosure through open and honest communication is key to any relationship. There are two perspectives in full disclosure: first, there are those who believe that some things are best left unsaid as revealing them is just asking for trouble. And then there are those who believe that withholding any information about one’s past is a form of dishonesty.

Understanding what full disclosure is about will help a couple be transparent and honest with each other. Disclosure has the intention of promoting deeper trust, respect, and integrity in the relationship.

RIGHT REASON TO STAY

One of the killers of full disclosure in relationships is the fear of the unknown. As far as both of you are concerned, your relationship was defined by some level of fear in disclosing certain information. I believe this is why you felt he was hiding something when you found the medicines. As much as I commend your man for behaving maturely and using a condom every time you had sex, I am of the conviction that he should not have kept his condition as a secret.

I am glad for two things: first is his willingness to explain himself, and second is your calmness and desire to know the truth without blowing this out of proportion when you discovered the medicines. The fact that he was willing to be open and vulnerable to you was a good thing. The fact that you both went to get tested and you have continued to follow your doctor’s advice is commendable.

The first step to both of you living positively is the acknowledgement of what he is suffering from. You should not let shame or fear of the future rule your heart. I think the two of you have a lot to work on. As much as he is the one who is unwell, you are affected by what ails him. Therefore, full and regular disclosure will keep you connected and remove fears.

That said, medical technology is well advanced to help people like you two live positively and have children who are healthy in life. Regular visits to a doctor, eating right and living with focus and determination will be key.

So, did you make the right decision to stay with your HIV-positive boyfriend? The right answer to your question is discovering why you should be in this relationship. First, don’t stay in this relationship because you pity him or are afraid. Stay in it because you love him and you see a future together. Secondly, stay in this relationship if your areas of agreement are core enough to sustain it.

It is not mine to tell you whether your decision is right or wrong on this matter. There are many relationships that have fallen apart as a result of many other issues. Every decision a couple makes in life has it share of consequences. The vows that we make in marriage are a true reminder of what awaits us. Stating phrases like “in sickness and in health” to our partner is just one way of acknowledging that the life ahead is not a guarantee. We might be hit by sickness, poverty, or even death. Your solemn vow will be to stick together through the fun times and all the troubles of life.

Commitment to be each other’s keeper and a desire to focus on what will add value to your relationship will be necessary. Nothing comes easy in life. Both of you must be willing to work hard at making the relationship work as well as be willing to face the consequences of your day to day decisions with courage. With prayer and focus, nothing is impossible.