On many occasions, Nigerians abroad have taken to social media to express displeasure about housing visiting fellow citizens, or those who newly relocated and need temporary accommodation.

For some compatriots at home, sometimes these complaints can seem like overreactions. Why would anyone not accommodate a fellow countryman for a couple of days, weeks, or months till the guest can stand on their feet? Until one listens to the sad stories about diaspora squatting.

Sometimes, relatives travel abroad and overstay, totally disregarding boundaries and not minding how their hosts feel. Some can be intrusive and not observe common courtesy, ignoring whatever privacy their hosts need. And in all of this, only a few contribute to upkeep.

A Nigerian in the United States once invited her mother-in-law to come stay with her family. The older woman, she said, would always barge into her room without knocking and once walked in on the host’s intimate moment with her husband.

The mother-in-law would also make snide remarks about the host eating too much food, wearing too many clothes, and wasting her son’s money. Later, she clung to the TV’s remote control and wouldn’t let anyone touch it. The host said she was walking on eggshells in her own home.

Another young Nigerian woman in Canada narrated her bitter experience with housing a family friend who had moved to Canada and had no job, little to no cash, and nowhere to stay. For the first four months that the said family friend was unemployed, the host paid every single bill they both incurred—from the rent down to grocery shopping.

The so-called family friend soon landed a good job, which led her host to believe that things would be easier now that they could both share the bills. Instead of helping with the bills at the end of the month, this family friend went shopping for clothes, shoes, and bags. This went on for three months before her host had enough and kicked her out after a heated argument, in which she didn’t admit that she was wrong to not have helped with the bills.

Yet another Nigerian woman in Canada said she was viciously attacked by her cousin whom she was accommodating while he was job-hunting. After taking some drugs and alcohol with friends, he came back home and assaulted her. Luckily for her, the police responded as soon as she called, and he was whisked away and made to face the full wrath of the law.

Recall the case of a Nigerian doctor in the UK who housed a friend for months to help her find her feet in the health sector. He was continuously being seduced by his guest, he said, and, when he wouldn’t give in, on Twitter she accused him of rape, nearly tarnishing his reputation. Save for the screenshots of their WhatsApp conversations, where he mentioned several times that he didn’t like her coming onto him, his life would have been ruined forever alongside his career.

There is more. A young Nigerian doctor in the US said she accommodated a friend she met online, who coincidentally got admitted into the same school she was in. The guest didn’t have anywhere to stay at the time. What she thought was an opportunity for her to save money on rent and maybe enjoy the company of having a roommate turned out to the one of the worst experiences of her life. This online friend did not only refuse to contribute to paying bills; she also wouldn’t even do chores or at least clean up her own things. She was also careless, hence damaging most of the appliances in the house, which only increased expenses that she wasn’t even helping offset.

Accounts say some people go as far as hoarding foodstuff they receive from home, so their hosts wouldn’t see it or eat from it. When confronted, they claim they didn’t think their hosts, fellow Nigerians, were interested in local cuisine.

These experiences ruin the chances of genuine compatriots who need help abroad, as many prospective hosts are unwilling to risk hospitality. While there have been cases of exploitative hosts, a lot of Nigerian visitors need to step up. Showing responsibility—cleaning up the house, offering to pay for groceries, and cooking can go a long way in cementing such relationships.

Immigrants from other countries thrive on so-called group economics and communal support, which rest on treating other people with far more respect and love. Whether as groups or individuals, such is the way to build social capital and grow.